So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though