I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.