Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."