so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this hospital has no fireball
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.