Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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