No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
