She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
