I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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