Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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