The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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