How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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