I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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