I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize