i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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