Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
