Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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