i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize