stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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