they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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