Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
