I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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