I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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