Apparently you make a good broom.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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