jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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