my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
