dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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