I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
