I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
