hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
