I just saw a hot homeless man
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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