before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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