Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just high enough for therapy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
