I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
