I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
