lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
