So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
