Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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