Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
