Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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