my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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