Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
