I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
