I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize