I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
