hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
