So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
