The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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