i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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