You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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