Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
