He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
