don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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