You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
