just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
