I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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