two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
