ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
