There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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