I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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