my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
