Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality