She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.