bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?