Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She bit a glass in half.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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