as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
