Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.