i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.