He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize