you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
