Where did you get a picture of my penis
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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