Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
